you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
