Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
