did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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