I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
