I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
