My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
