I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
