Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
