Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
