I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
