i was rollin on her like bob the builder
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
