??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I enjoy the company of your penis
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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