i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
