and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
