toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
