Just cropdusted the office
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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