idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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