Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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