My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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