You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
