You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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