I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
