so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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