forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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