tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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