I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
