My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
