Its about making memories worth repressing
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
