Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
