sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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