in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
