can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I don't deserve a penis
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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