It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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