Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
