just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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