thus making me awesome and them whores
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
