Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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