Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
