You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
