i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
