So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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