I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
