SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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