you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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