When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
