OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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