They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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