He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
