Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
