Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
