So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
