I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
