I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
