like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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