At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
